Sherwood
by M. C
Summary: What happens when the Doctor and Clara time-travel to 1194 and meet Robin and his not-so-Merry Men? A rewrite of "Robots of Sherwood."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own "Robin Hood" or "Doctor Who", they are owned by BBC Worldwide and Tiger Aspect, respectively. I don't make any money or claim copyright on this either._

_**Foreword:** This is basically a rewrite of the DW episode "Robots of Sherwood." Like many a fan of the 2006-2009 RH series, I was bummed they did not bring the actors back... it was a missed opportunity. This is my first DW fic, so I apologize if the characters seem a bit off. Observant readers will know that some minor things have been changed around - Guy isn't in "Robots of Sherwood" but he is here (like Djaq), stuff like that. This takes place AU early S2. I appreciate constructive R&R, it helps me immensely. - M.C._

1

"Take a punt!"

Clara, staring thoughtfully at the console, turned to see the Doctor in the upper gallery of the TARDIS, a yogurt in one hand and scribbling indecipherable equations on several blackboards. He stopped to take another gulp of yogurt before clarifying, "Your choice. Wherever. Whenever. Anytime in space."

"Right." Clara bit her lip. "Well. There is something. Someone… I've always wanted to meet. But I know what you'll say."

Pausing, the Doctor looked down at her. "Try me."

"You'll say he's made up," she began. "That there's no such thing… it's… it's Robin Hood!"

The Doctor was silent for several seconds. "Robin Hood?"

"Yeah!" Clara's face lit up. "I love that story. Always loved it. Ever since I was little."

"Robin Hood," the Doctor said slowly. "The heroic outlaw who robbed from the rich to give to the poor?"

Clara broke down, giggling. "Yeah!"

A frown spread across the Doctor's face as he spooned out the last bit of yogurt. "He's made up. There's no such thing."

"You see?"

The Doctor slipped the spoon in his pocket and continued his chalkboard equations. "Old fashioned heroes only exist in old fashioned storybooks, Clara."

"What about you?" Clara challenged.

"Me?" The Doctor looked affronted.

"Yeah, you. You stop bad things happening. Every minute of every day. Sounds pretty heroic to me."

He shrugged, indifferent. "I'm just passing the time. Hey, what about Mars?"

"What about Mars?"

The Doctor flipped over the background. On the reverse side was a drawing of an intricate, vast, honeycomb structure. "The Ice Warrior Hives."

Clara frowned. "You said it was my choice."

"What about the Tumescent Arrows of the Half-Light?" The Doctor tried. "Those girls can hold their drink!"

Her nerves were getting frayed. "Doctor…"

"… and fracture fifteen different levels of reality simultaneously," the Doctor continued, patting down his jacket. "I think I have a Polaroid somewhere."

"Doctor!" Clara snarled. "My choice. Robin Hood. Show me."

The Doctor sighed and stopped rifling through his pockets. He walked down the stairway from the gallery down to the console, and began flipping switches and turning knobs.

"Very well," he shrugged. "Earth. England. Sherwood Forest. 1194 AD. Ish."

He paused before flipping the final switch. "But you'll only be disappointed."

* * *

><p>With a glimmer of white light, the TARDIS materialized in the shade of a large oak tree in a large beautiful clearing. A small stream cut through the clearing, with a log connecting both banks.<p>

"Hmm," the Doctor poked his head out of the TARDIS to survey the scenery. "No damsels in distress."

He pulled open the door. "And no pretty castles. And no Robin Hood!"

_Twaakk_! A wooden arrow, with white and black quiver, embedded itself a few inches from the Doctor's head. A split second later, another one flanked the other side of his head.

The Doctor turned to the source of the arrows. On the other side of the glade was a man in his late twenties, with a dark emerald green tunic, brown trousers and scuffed leather boots, smiling knowingly. He sported a short but scruffy beard, and his hair was short-cropped, albeit longer in the back. He held some sort of strange bow loosely in his grip, which didn't look like the usual longbow the Doctor had seen from Clara's stories.

"Nicely done with the box, my friend!" the man called back, clapping loudly. "Is that a trick with mirrors?"

"A trick?" The Doctor was affronted.

The young man's smile deepened. "A good jest."

"It's not a trick, it's a TARDIS," the Doctor was growing irritated with the young man's attitude. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"I could ask you the same thing." The man replied, silently appraising the Doctor. "You're not from around here."

"Excellent observation," the Doctor shot back. "Did my TARDIS give that away?"

"Whatever it is," the man snapped his fingers. "I'm afraid we must relieve it of you."

Several other people seemed to come out of the woodwork. Two slim men flanked the green-clad man on his side of the glade. On the opposite side, a shorter man and a dark-skinned woman flanked the right, while on the left, a tall, bearish man emerged from the other side of the glade, closer to the TARDIS.

"_We_?" Flustered, the Doctor pulled the arrows out of the TARDIS' side. "It's _my_ property, that's what it is!"

"This is an ambush!" called out the woman.

"This is how it goes," continued the young man, obviously the leader.

"There's poor people going hungry," the short man cut in.

"You tell us what you've got," said the slim dark brunette flanking the leader.

"And we take one-tenth," said the other man, sporting a goatee and wavy reddish hair.

"So the poor can eat," the short man cut back in.

"Lie," growled the large man.

"Or resist-"

"And we take it all," finished the leader.

The Doctor scoffed. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, but we are," the leader grinned. "I'm Robin Hood."

The Doctor was unfazed. "Do people ever punch you in the face when you say that?"

Robin looked at his followers, amusement still etched on his features. At a questioning look from the big shaggy man, he shook his head. "Afraid not."

"Then I'm lucky I'm here then. Isn't it?"

Robin's reply was cut off as Clara's voice came out from the TARDIS.

"Okay, might not be much, but what do you think, Doctor?" She stepped out of the time machine, wearing a light yellow button-up blouse and a skirt of darker yellow, with several leather buckles on the sides. A pair of black boots finished her quasi-medieval outfit.

Robin's face lit up. "Any more in there?"

Clara turned to face Robin, apprising his appearance. A small amount of disbelief gave way to delight. "Doctor. Is that…"

"_No_."

"Liar." She chuckled. "My god… it is, isn't it? You found him. You actually found Robin Hood!"

"That is not Robin Hood!" The Doctor huffed.

"Well then," Robin asked patiently. "Who else will relieve you of your magic box? The Sheriff?"

The Doctor's eyes glittered dangerously. He jumped on the log, anticipating Robin's challenge. "Nobody, sir! Not in this universe, or in the next!"

Robin chuckled. "Draw your sword, then!"

"Master, don't be stupid!" the short man cut in.

"Oh Much, relax," Robin smirked, pulling his sword from his scabbard. "I won't hurt him. His pride… maybe."

"I don't have a sword." The Doctor patted his pockets. "Don't need one." With a flourish, he pulled a gauntlet from his pocket. Slipping it on, he fished out the spoon he had been using earlier, brandishing it as weapon of choice. Robin and his men laughed heartily at this.

"I am the Doctor," he said cooly, leveling his spoon at Robin. "_En garde_!"

With a mighty clang, the two began to duel. Despite his weapon of choice, the Doctor's confidence and centuries of experience enabled him to keep up with Robin's parries and thrusts as the two battled atop the log bridge. After a few moments, the Doctor pivoted neatly and tripped Robin up, sending him into the spring with a satisfying splash.

"Doctor…" Clara said nervously.

Flipping his spoon like a Western gunslinger, the Doctor slipped it back in his jacket. "Like I said. _My_ box."

"Doctor…" Clara echoed nervously. At her words, the Doctor also peeked over the bridge. Neither could see no sign of Robin in the spring, no air bubbles — nothing. Suddenly, the Doctor felt a sudden push and tumbled headfirst in the spring. As he surfaced, spluttering and coughing, he noted that Robin had been hiding on the other side of the bridge, enabling him to take the Doctor by surprise with a well-timed shove. Through his haze, he noticed a soaking wet Robin, Robin's men and Clara holding their sides and laughing.

At him.

* * *

><p>A scream echoed through Knighton. From a prominent guildhall, Guy of Gisborne and three knights returned to their horses, holding prisoner a young brunette woman between them.<p>

"Stop this, please! Take my money! Take my land! Just spare my daughter!" Sir Edward charged out of the door, pleading as more soldiers carried wooden boxes out.

"You know the Sheriff's orders," Guy turned towards Edward, anger shining in his eyes as the soldiers held Edward back from the horses. "She's alive and he'd like it that way."

"Father, I'll be fine. Go back inside!" called the young woman as the soldiers clapped her in irons.

An unpleasant smirk crossed Guy's features. "I'd listen to Marian if I were you."

"I've had enough of your presence!" Edward raged to himself. "If the Sheriff were here, I'd rip out his black heart myself."

A horribly familiar voice behind him sent a chill down his spine. "Really? I wouldn't say that out loud, if I were you."

Edward turned to see the horrible smirking visage of the Sheriff of Nottingham atop his black steed, bald pate gleaming in the sunlight.

"Ah, forgive me," Sir Edward stammered. "I spoke out of turn."

"You know, I could forgive this… shall we say, transgression," the Sheriff mused, picking at his nails. "If you or your leper daughter could tell me where Robin and his men are hiding in the forest."

"I'm afraid I'm not privy to such information." Sir Edward babbled. "If you could exchange me for Marian, we could-"

"Afraid I'm not giving you an option." The Sheriff dismounted from his horse. "We need labor at the castle. At your advanced age you'd fall dead from exhaustion."

"Surely there could be some-"

"Whereas your leper daughter," the Sheriff's eyes glinted maliciously, "Is young and strong." One of the soldiers brought one of the wooden boxes to the Sheriff, who opened it and nodded approvingly. "I appreciate the labor and gold, Sir Edward. This will help our little war chest."

"War chest?" Sir Edward echoed. "What are you-"

With a quick, sudden jerk, the Sheriff ran Sir Edward through with his sword.

"Father!" Marian cried out, struggling against her captors. "Noooooo!"

"I'm afraid that little disclosure just cost you your life," the Sheriff chuckled as Sir Edward sunk to the ground. "Do you think I was going to let you tell Hoody about our little chat? A clue…" He shook his head, smiling.

* * *

><p>Robin undid the ties from around Clara and the Doctor's eyes as they entered the encampment. The Doctor promptly pulled out his sonic screwdriver and began scanning his surroundings.<p>

"Seeing as you've already met me and my men," Robin began, introducing Clara to his men. "Let's put names to the faces."

"This is Much," Robin said proudly, clapping the short bearded man on the back. He had a bandanna tied around his head, with wisps of blonde hair poking from underneath. If anything, his clothes looked even more ragged than Robin's. "He used to be my servant, but during services rendered while we were in the Holy Land, he is a free man now."

"The name's Allan," said the man with wavy hair and goatee, holding out his hand. He took Clara's hand and kissed the back of it, making her blush. "Never 'eard of anyone named Clara before. It's a beautiful name."

"Ah, don't be taken in by Allan's charms," Robin cut in. "He's regularly charmed the knickers off a many tavern wench."

"Oy!" Allan protested, turning a beet red. "That comes in handy sometimes!"

It was Clara's turn to blush.

"I'm Will Scarlet," put in the tall man with the wiry frame and mustache. He gestured to the dark-skinned woman next to him. "This is…"

"Djaq," supplied the woman. Clara was struck by Djaq's beautiful features and brown eyes, she had to be of Indian descent. "Back home, I was Saffiya but Djaq is what I like to go by."

"And this bloke," Much put in, clapping a hand on the big tall man's shoulder. "Is Little John. He may look like a bear-"

"Much…" growled Little John in a Scottish burr.

"…but he's got a big heart," Much continued, unheeded. "Don't you just want to hug him?"

John rolled his eyes as Clara smiled. The Doctor let out a derisive sniff.

"Pleasure to meet you all," Clara said pleasantly. "I just… can't believe it's you. Robin Hood… and his Merry Men!"

"Merry?" Djaq asked, amused.

Robin looked surprised. "Well?" he looked at the gang. "It fits us, right?" They laughed.

"Stop laughing!" The Doctor snapped. "Why are you are all doing that? Are you all simple or something?" Putting his sonic screwdriver back in his pocket, he procured a cup from his jacket and held it to Robin. "I'm going to need a sample."

"Of what?" Robin asked, bewildered. "What're you going on about?"

Mortified, Clara pulled the Doctor aside. "What are you _doing_?" she whispered furiously.

"Well, they're not holograms, that much is obvious," the Doctor replied. "Could be a theme park from the future. Or maybe we're inside a Miniscope! I need a blood sample!"

Clara was exasperated. "You're absolutely mental."

The Doctor merely stalked off, muttering to himself. Clara just shook her head, mentally despairing.

Robin joined her a few minutes later, a quizzical expression on his face. "Your friend…" He searched for the right words. "It doesn't seem like he's all there. Like he's from another world."

Clara shook her head. "No, not most of the time." She remembered something else. "Do you have a Sheriff here?"

Robin nodded, his expression souring. "The bane of my existence."

"Really?" Clara knew the varied history of Robin Hood, but she didn't know how different it was here. None of the ballads she read ever mentioned a female Saracen joining Robin's gang, nor Allan and Will's personas being switched around.

Robin looked into her eyes. They shone with memories of loss, pain, and the occasional triumph.

"Why are you so sad?" Clara asked softly.

"Why would you think that?"

Clara looked away. "The Doctor's right. You laugh too much."

Robin let out a humorless laugh. "Clara, I didn't choose this outlaw life by choice. See before you is Robin, Earl-"

"-of Huntington," Clara finished.

Robin looked surprised. "Yes."

"And what about-" Clara began, but Robin cut her off.

"Hold on. How is it you know about me?" He gave her a searching look. "I've never met you before in my life. Well, before today."

She shook her head. "It's a long story."

"Y'see, I got the impression from your Doctor friend that I'm not real…" Robin trailed off. "He's not a real physician though, is he?"

"Nope. It's just his name."

"Does he have a last name?"

"Just… the Doctor."

"Ah." Robin was silent for a moment. "So, getting back to where we started, what else do you know about me?"

Clara bit her lip. "Well, I know you were stripped of your title by Prince John—"

"Actually, the Sheriff did that. Prince John rules in his brother's absence, but he lives in London. I was stripped of my title and my lands because I not only spoke up against the Sheriff but also saved several peasants." He gestured to Will and Allan. "Now we rob nobles and give the money to the poor. No one should be forced to let themselves and their children go hungry. Especially with that tyrant of a Sheriff running the shire."

"But you'll be reinstated once King Richard returns?"

Robin nodded. "That's the plan, yeah. Marian keeps this hope alive."

"Marian?" Clara piped up hopefully.

"You know her?"

"Yes, I do…" Clara drifted off. "Like the way I knew about you."

Suddenly, the Doctor popped up between Robin and Clara. "What time is it, Mr. Hood?"

Robin's burrows furrowed, deep in thought. "Somewhat after noon-"

"No, no!" snapped the Doctor. "Time of year! The season."

Robin pursed his lips. "Early autumn."

"Funny. It's very green hereabouts," the Doctor gestured to the entrance leading outside into the forest. "Isn't it? Like I said, very sunny."

"So?" Clara shot back.

The Doctor barely refrained from rolling his eyes. "Have you ever _been_ to Nottingham?"

"Climate change?" Clara tried.

The Doctor groaned. "1194."

Robin grinned. "Well, the Sheriff did recently issue a proclamation. Tomorrow there's an archery contest. First prize is a golden arrow. So… imagine how many families it could feed for a whole winter."

"Wait, what?" Clara said. "Don't go, Robin, it's a trap!"

"Of course it is," Robin chuckled. "He did it last time with a silver arrow, but I made sure Rowan won it, didn't I?"

"Rowan?" Clara asked to herself. She hadn't heard of any 'Rowan' in any of the ballads or the Errol Flynn film.

Robin turned toward the gang. "I mean, come on, there is no contest! Come on gang, we have a plan."

Clara and the Doctor watched silently as Robin, Much, Allan, Will, Djaq and Little John settled down next to the campfire and began planning out the next day. Clara had an amused look on her face, while exasperation lined the Doctor's features.

"So," Clara turned to the Doctor, her arms crossed. "How are you sure he's not the real thing?"

"Because he _can't_ be."

She rolled her eyes. "When did you stop believing in everything?"

"When did _you_ start believing in impossible heroes?" the Doctor shot back.

"Don't you know?" Clara smiled, moving away. "In a way, that's rather sweet."

Unaware that she was referring to him, he frowned. The word 'sweet' was insult to injury.

* * *

><p>Inside the Nottingham castle courtyard proper, numerous straw targets were lined up in a row. A huge crowd watched breathlessly, with the Sheriff and Guy off to the side, watching another arrow sailed through the air, sinking home dead center with a satisfying <em>twwaakk<em>!

With that, the young Herald called out, his sonorous voice echoing throughout the courtyard as he stepped in front of the targets.

"In the contest for the golden arrow…" He held up a beautifully carved golden arrow, its quivers consisting of filagreed silver. "After ten rounds, the final round is down to the stranger known as Tom the Tinker!" He gestured to a short man, his features obscured by the brown robe concealing his features.

"Tom the Tinker, eh?" Sheriff Vaisey of Nottingham muttered to himself. The bow this 'Tom' had looked familiar, it wasn't the longbows most of the contestants — whom this Tom beat easily — had been using.

'Tom' stepped forward, then paused. "Wait."

He turned and looked directly at Vaisey, mischief gleaming in his eyes. "Let us make this final round more interesting, Sheriff," his voice was suspiciously low-pitched, "Surely this target is too close? What say you? Another twenty paces?"

Guy cast a dark look at Vaisey, who smirked.

"Very well." With a half-hearted wave, the guards and herald went and complied with Vaisey's request.

'Tom' took his time, pulling a familiar arrow out from under his robe and threading into the Saracen bow that was a part of his being. His aim was deadly accurate, but his deliberation was a ploy to make it seem like he was being careful. The hem of his emerald green sleeve could be visible from the robe sleeves as he pulled the drawstring taut, held the arrow to eye level and let go. As expected, Robin of Locksley's aim was true, hitting the final target squarely in the bullseye.

The crowd erupted in cheers, Clara included.

"Ye Gads!" the Herald exalted. "Truly he is the finest archer in all of England!"

"Hood." Vaisey smiled. He knew Robin wouldn't be able to resist the competition, and his plans this time were foolproof. Rising up from his seat, he and Guy accompanied the Herald to meet this 'stranger'.

"Come forward, Tinker," the Herald said blithely, presenting the arrow, "to claim your prize."

Suddenly, another _twwakk_ reverberated throughout the courtyard, plus a crack as an arrow split 'Tom''s down the middle. The three men whirled to see who the second archer was.

The Doctor!

Robin aimed an icy glare at the Doctor. Robin's gang and Clara sat there, jaws open, as the Doctor lowered his bow.

"Wow," Allan muttered after a moment, "That Doctor bloke's full of surprises, ain't he?"

"Unbelievable," Much gaped. "He's a better shot than Robin!"

"Ahem," the Doctor cleared his throat, "I am the Doctor. My skills as a bowman speak for themselves. I'm here to claim my reward."

The Herald stepped over to the older man, and handed him the golden arrow. To everyone's surprise, the Doctor gave it a cursory glance before tossing it aside — which did not go unnoticed by Guy and Robin's gang.

"A mere bauble," the Doctor continued. He looked at Vaisey. "I want something else."

"Very well," Vaisey forced a smile on his face. "Name it."

"Enlightenment."

Guy rolled his eyes, while Vaisey's fake smile gave way to genuine amusement.

"I like this man, Gisborne," Vaisey smiled. "What say—"

The exchange between the two was cut off by another _twwakk_ and the snap of wood. Robin had fired off another arrow, successfully splitting the one that had split his winning shot. Amusement twinkled in Robin's eyes and a smirk lined his lips at the Doctor's reaction.

The Doctor sighed. He readied another arrow on his bow, almost without looking, aimed it at the target and released the drawstring. The arrow soared through the air, bounced off a knight's shield, but miraculously splits Robin's second arrow. The crowd roared with approval.

"Now—" Now it was the Doctor himself was interrupted by another audible shot from Robin, splitting the Doctor's arrow again. "This is getting silly." He pulled out his sonic screwdriver, and aimed it at the target. Within seconds, the target exploded into tiny fragments, effectively ending the game of oneupmanship.

"Oh, this certainly took an interesting twist," Vaisey muttered, _sotto_ voice. He turned to Guy, gesturing at the cloaked Robin and the Doctor.

"Seize them! Now!" Guy bellowed. Within a matter of seconds, over two dozen knights clomped over. Clara jumped out the crowd, heading for the Doctor and eager to help. She attempted to grab a pikestaff, but underestimated its weight.

"What the hell are you doing?" The Doctor hissed furiously. "Put that thing down!"

"I'm fine," Clara shouted. "I take Year Seven for after-school Tae Kwon Do."

With that diversion in place, Robin revealed himself to the approving cheers and yells of the crowd. Unsheathing his sword, he plowed into the first oncoming Knight, his sword neatly intercepting the burly man's thrust. Drawing back, he saw a clear opening and parried, bringing around his sword into a wide arc, slicing off the knight's arm. Masses of intestine-like wiring spilled heavily from the severed appendage, sparking and fizzling.

Everyone gasped, the shock of the reveal temporarily halting the fight.

"Robot!" The Doctor crowed triumphantly. "_Now_ we're getting somewhere!"

"Oh really?" Vaisey pulled out a device from his pocket. A control device.

With a devious smile, Vaisey called, "Kill them all, and be quick about it!" He stabbed the buttons in a certain pattern, making the knights shift and change form. Their helmets rolled away from the faces, revealing blank, scary facial imagery akin to tomb effigies. They seemed to emanate a faint purple glow, like a power source coming on, projecting a cross like a sniper's targeting system on the peasants.

With a whir, purple lasers began to strafe the crowds and nobles alike, causing pandemonium and mayhem to erupt among the courtyard. Any laser beams that came into contact with any unfortunate victims — like the Herald — vanishing in a blaze of fire.

Robin attempted to launch himself into fight against the robot knights, but the Doctor quickly and efficiently knocked his sword and bow out of his grasp. "What are you doing?" Robin yelled.

"He surrenders," the Doctor replied.

"WHAT?" Robin yelled, as the Knights were quick to surround him and Clara. They both held up their hands, albeit reluctantly.

"Okay, okay!" Clara replied, holding up her hands as high as she could. "We'll find a way out of this."

Robin looked furtively around, spying his various gang members among the melee trying to flee the courtyard. Spying Much, he yelled out, "Much! Go back to the forest! Regroup, find Marian! Don't get killed for me, fight another day!"

He saw Much nod reluctantly and disappear among the crowds. Robin hoped Little John, Allan, Will and Djaq would have the sense to stay away too and come up with a plan.

"So you've decided to take the easy way out and give up," the Sheriff rubbed his hands together. "Marvelous. We have couple of dungeon cells waiting."

He leered at Robin. "I hear that jailer's eager to catch up on your misadventures." At Guy's command, the trio were quickly clapped in irons and marched inside the castle.

"What are you playing at?" Clara whispered furiously to the Doctor as they were marched downstairs.

"Don't you know?" the Doctor asked rhetorically. "The quickest way to find out anybody's plans - get yourself captured!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** See Chapter 1 for a full disclosure, but I own nothing.

**Foreword:** _Second part in what a three-part story. This chapter deviates more from the episode as Marian is far more proactive, akin to Lucy Griffiths' take. And before anyone asks, **Robin still ends up with Marian** in this 'rewrite', so please don't flame me because of that. **I'm going to try my hardest not to sideline or bash Guy, since I took the time to include him in this AU story.** I'm still trying to determine Guy's fate - he won't be a robot and I don't plan on killing him off. Any comments or suggestions for that would be greatly appreciated. R&R is appreciated!_

2

Not too far away, deeper in the castle's belly, the peasants rounded up in the village loaded gold into the chamber. In addition to the coins from tax collections, more elaborate items like mirrors and shields were being added to the stockpile.

Being the daughter of the former Sheriff, Lady Marian of Knighton had never worked so hard in her life. Even gardening and general upkeep of Knighton Hall, plus her nightly excursions as the Night Watchman were a walk in the forest compared to the grueling physical labor Guy and Vaisey had set her, which were being monitored by several 'knights'. The men were forced to carry sacks of gold on their backs, whilst the women were given a wheelbarrow to aid them.

As she tipped her umpteenth load of gold and jewelry into the vault, she could hear someone stumble. Turning, she saw an older man, saddled with a heavy load of gold, collapse on the ground. She knew this man, Walter, from their friendly exchanges on market day. Abandoning her wheelbarrow, she rushed and knelt down to help him.

"Here, let me help you," she said, taking the bag off his shoulders and helping him to his feet.

"Than… thank you, Lady Marian," he replied gratefully.

Marian could hear footsteps coming toward them, and turned to see one robot knight trooping towards them. Her stomach knotted with repulsion, seeing the robot's blank face.

"What are you, gargoyle?" she asked. "What _are_ you?"

"Leave it."

Marian clenched her fists. "This man needs rest. We all need to—"

"Analysis shows that the peasant creature is spent," the robot rattled off, unmoved. The purple light on its face began to intensify. "Usefulness expired. Usefulness expired."

"No!" Marian shouted. "Please!"

The purple light shot out, obliterating Walter in a big burst of flame. Marian turned away, repulsed and horrified at the spectacle.

She shut her eyes, willing herself to calm down. Two people close to her had died, and she had to push it aside for now. Mourning now was going to get her executed, which wouldn't help her or Robin. She had to get out of the vault, escape the knights, and find Robin.

Marian had a plan.

* * *

><p>Robin closed his eyes, trying to rest his head on the grimy wall. Being chained to the side of a dungeon, along with two other occupants, made that impossible. "Wonderful."<p>

Clara nodded. "Yep."

Robin sighed again. "Chained up like animals. Thanks to your friend."

"Shut it Hood," the Doctor snapped. "I saved your life."

"I had it under control!"

"A reckless ninny versus killer robot knights, I know where I'd put my money."

"If you had not betrayed me…"

"You'd been a little puff of laughing smoke and ashes."

"Do you see me laughing now?" Robin shot back.

"Right here we go, it's laughing time."

Robin rolled his eyes. "I would find this amusing under better circumstances."

"Then what would you suggest, Hoodie?"

"You can start by calling me Robin. Or Locksley. I'm not fond of Vaisey's pet name."

"Oh, now _that_ is amusing, Mr. Hood."

"Oh really?" Robin fired back. "That's funny. In fact, I feel a _laugh_ coming on!" He let out a boisterous laugh.

"GUARD!" The Doctor yelled, rattling his chains as Robin repeated this several times. "You can't lock me in here with a laughing person!"

"HA!" Robin let off another extra-loud one for extra measure.

"Guard, I _cannot_ remain in this cell! Execute me now!"

"You heard him!" Robin yelled back. "Execute the old fool!"

"No, hang on, execute _him_!"

"I do not fear death!" Robin played along.

"Shut it! I want to see if his head keeps laughing even after it's been chopped off!"

"Guard!"

"GUARD!"

"WILL. YOU. TWO. SHUT. UP!" Clara erupted. "Do either of you understand, in any way at all, that there _isn't a guard out there_!"

"Oh." The Doctor fell silent.

"I did." Robin piped up.

"No, you didn't." The Doctor shot back.

"I said shut up," Clara interjected. "Is this the best you both can do? Are you _both_ determined to starve to death in here squabbling?"

Robin scoffed. "I'd last a lot longer than this… man-crone."

"Really?" The Doctor shot back. "I think you'll find that I have a certain genetic advantage—"

"It's not a competition on who gets to die slower!" Clara erupted.

"It would be me though, wouldn't it?" The Doctor added.

"There was supposed to be a plan," Clara ground out. "Do _either_ of you have a plan?"

"I have a plan," the Doctor supplied.

"Me too," Robin supplied. "Well, half a plan."

"Robin, you first."

"Why him?" the Doctor sounded affronted.

"Shut up," Clara said. She turned back to Robin. "What's your plan?"

"Um…" He shifted uncomfortably, trying to find some slack in his chains. "Biding my time."

She rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Prince of Thieves" — she turned to the Doctor—"last of the Time Lords?"

"I do have a plan," the Doctor repeated.

"Do you have one that doesn't require the words 'sonic screwdriver'?" Clara interjected. "You _might_ have forgotten that the Sheriff of Nottingham has taken your sonic screwdriver. Just saying."

"I know!" the Doctor backtracked. "I know!"

Clara slumped. "Your plan _was_ basically the screwdriver though, wasn't it? It's always the screwdriver."

"…let's hear Robin's plan first," the Doctor babbled.

"Oh for God's sake!" Clara groaned.

The trio could hear a key scrape in the door as the door creaked open. Robin grimaced at the familiar face of the jailer as the short man entered the dungeon. His sallow face alit with perverse delight seeing Robin's face again.

"'Ello, my lovely," the jailer smirked, making his way over to the outlaw. "Fancy seeing you here again, eh?"

"Once was more than enough for me," Robin ground out.

"Really?" The jailer's right fist rammed into Robin's solar plexus, eliciting a low moan of pain from the younger man. "You won't have your lady friend or your short-arsed manservant helping you out now, innit?"

The jailer turned to Clara and the Doctor. "The Sheriff had me listen in on your little squabble, to find out who's the brains of this operation."

"Ah, so that _he_ can do the interrogating," the Doctor mused. "Very clever."

Robin groaned, straightening his posture. "He'll get nothing from me."

"No, he'll get nothing from _me_," the Doctor corrected. "Interrogation is where I always turn the tables."

Clara rolled her eyes, and Robin sighed with resignation.

The jailer made his way over to Clara. "Now you are a sweet young thing. The Sheriff seeks an audience with her."

He took the keys off his belt and unlocked Clara's chains.

"No!" the Doctor cried.

Robin rolled his eyes.

* * *

><p>Much put down his bowl of stew. He wasn't full, nor was he hungry. As his gaze roved about the campfire, he noticed that Little John was the only one eating. Allan, Djaq, and Will poked morosely at their bowls, their expressions identical to Much's.<p>

"So Robin's being held captive in the castle," Much began.

"As well as that Doctor bloke and the bird," Allan broke in.

"Don't forget Marian too." Will added.

"Marian?" Much stammered. "But… but she was in Knighton the other day!"

"Will and I checked Knighton after the contest today," Djaq said gently. "Knighton Hall was ransacked. And… we found Sir Edward's body outside the dwelling. No trace of Marian."

"I'm right here!" A familiar voice broke in. The five turned to see a cloaked figure standing at the entrance of the shelter.

"Marian!" Much cried gratefully, leaping up and rushing to hug the young woman. After a brief embrace, he pulled back to take in her appearance and to allow the others to hug her. Marian looked beyond exhausted, her clothes were tatters, but she had fashioned a rough eye mask and hood around her head. It wasn't quite the Night Watchman outfit, but given the circumstances, the gang was relieved to see her.

"We thought you were…" Allan trailed off.

"Dead?" Marian offered, pulling her mask and hood off her face.

"Captured." Djaq put in.

"Good to have you back," Little John smiled broadly, enfolding Marian in a bear hug.

"Me too." Marian gently extricated herself from the hugs. She looked around the shelter, her eyes darkening. "Where's Robin?"

Much deflated. "The Sheriff has him. And two others."

"How'd you escape those freaky purple knights?" Allan piped up, crossing his arms. "Can't imagine they'd just let you out for a stroll like old Giz would."

"They didn't." Marian held up an elaborate saber, strapped to her belt. Its pommel was set in gold and encrusted with rubies and sapphires. "I managed to grab one of these swords from the vaults. They only had two of those gargoyles monitoring the labor. When I nicked the first one in the ankle with the saber, I threw its aim off and its target hit the second one. Me and a few others managed to escape."

"At least we don't have to worry about rescuing you," Much said.

"I appreciate that," Marian said wryly.

"Now we just have to worry about Robin."

* * *

><p>Clara was expecting to be herded into a chamber, not into an elaborate stone dining room with tapestries and family crests adorning walls. Her stomach growled with hunger, but she watched with disgust as the Sheriff of Nottingham delicately picked a piece of chicken from his teeth. She noticed one of his canines had a sapphire in it, and wondered whether he had a full set with different colors.<p>

"Well?" the Sheriff asked, noticing Clara's discomfort. "Let it not be said that the Sheriff of Nottingham is a poor host."

She forced a smile on her face. "Had a bag of crisps this morning, thanks."

"Hmm, I'm not familiar with that term," Vaisey mused. "Your words are strange."

"I should think they are."

"Spirit," Vaisey took a big mouthful of a roll in his mouth. "I'm usually not fond of women that exemplify this, but you are an exception. Very direct."

She shrugged. "You can take the girl out of Blackpool."

The Sheriff swallowed and gestured to the table. An array of items lay on the dining room before her: the Doctor's spoon, a grilled cheese sandwich, a gauntlet, the yogurt spoon, his sonic screwdriver. "Taken from your friend's tunic. Such an interesting array of items, I must say."

His hand landed on the screwdriver. "Including this one. Such a powerful object. So, tell me… are you from beyond the stars?"

Clara shrugged. "You're the one with the robot army. You tell me."

The Sheriff picked at his teeth again, smiling.

* * *

><p>"Say what?" The Doctor wasn't following.<p>

"Moan! Groan! Act like you have the turk flu or something."

"What for?"

Robin rolled his eyes. "So we can get that jailer back in here."

"It's your plan, you moan."

"No, no, no, that won't work."

"Why?"

"Because you are clearly more advanced in years and have a more sickly look."

"I have a what?" The Doctor was getting more flustered.

"You're pale as milk. It's the way with the Scots." Robin scoffed. "Strangers to vegetables."

"I'm not moaning," the Doctor insisted. He crossed his arms. "_You_ moan!"

"Really," Robin sighed. "If you want something done…" He began to moan loudly, as if he was in great abdominal pain.

The jailer's pasty figure appeared as the door was unlocked and opened. "What are you two going on about?"

"No business of yours!" the Doctor shot back.

Robin began whispering in the Doctor's ear, while the jailer tried to eavesdrop.

"Speak up!" the Doctor said to Robin. "I can't hear you."

"What ails him?" the jailer asked irritably.

"None of your business," the Doctor replied promptly.

"Again, I ask, what's my lovely's problem?"

"Well…" the Doctor searched for an answer. "If you must know, he's… he's having a nervous breakdown."

"A what?"

"He's like this when he's in any kind of danger," the older man continued. "He just gets so afraid, that he goes into a complete fit."

Robin aimed an icy stare at the Doctor.

"I honestly think he might die of sheer fright. Like a tiny, shriveling old mouse."

Robin growled softly in warning.

"Oh dear, I think he's soiled himself." The Doctor dug in another jibe.

"Oh, let the outlaw die," the jailer replied dismissively. "It'll save us the trouble of executing him."

"But…" the Doctor trailed off. "What about the reward?"

"Reward?" The jailer snapped to attention, grabbing the Doctor by his lapels. "Tell me!"

"Uh, he carries a vital message! The Prince has promised a bounty!"

"How big of a bounty is it?"

"It's _enormous_."

The jailer shoved the Doctor aside and headed to Robin, pulling tight on his chains. "So tell me, my lovely, what about this reward?"

Robin cocked one eye open, a smile spreading across his face. "Has anyone told you your breath stinks?" His left knee caught the jailer squarely in the crotch. Groaning, the jailer collapsed on the floor. His keys fell free, clattering to the floor.

"Soiled myself?" Robin asked in disbelief, retrieving the keys.

"Did you?" the Doctor replied. "Well, _that's_ getting into character!"


End file.
